Ode to Mothers

The other weekend I got real sick. In fact, barring labor, it was probably the worst I've ever felt. I woke up early on a Friday morning and I couldn't lift my head off the pillow. The world was swirling around me and the contents of my stomach kept threatening to make an appearance (which they did, until there was nothing left but dry heaves). It was evident that I could not function and that "mom" was out of commission for an indeterminable amount of time. Fortunately, Herb was able to drag me to the doctor's office where I was able to obtain anti-nausea pills that significantly helped my condition. Oh blessed anti-nausea pills! Thankfully, I was only out of commssion for a day and a half and was able to leave my bed and walk around by Saturday evening. It turned out I had had an inflammation in the inner part of my ear that controls balance and equalibrium. Whilst I wouldn't wish it on any one, the experience gave me much pause and consideration as I was able to reflect on the value and blessing of motherhood.

In the past couple of months, I have felt a great deal of frustration throughout my day when things don't get done. That feeling of wanting something tangible to show for what I've done that day. The feeling of accomplishment when you can physically show where your efforts were spent that afternoon. When my house doesn't look any better than when I woke up, even after I've picked up three times, it causes me stress. When dinner doesn't get made for yet another day, I get grouchy. Things I used to be able to accomplish seem impossible with four kids. Can I just tell you the looks I get when I have to bring all four kids grocery shopping with me?! Sometimes I feel like that crazy mom I see reflected in onlookers eyes.

It comes down to the inner battle of wanting. Wanting to be patient with my kids, wanting to "teach them something new everyday", wanting to appreciate that they are growing up so fast instead of wishing Lincoln would turn five tomorrow! Wanting to garden, keep fit, develop a hobby or two, wanting to get enough sleep, yet wanting to find time to work on this blog(even as I write this, there are five loads of laundry waiting to be folded and put away before morning). Wanting to work with my kids on enriching projects and activities and wanting to be able to catch-up on my thank you cards and bake goodies for all my helpers, wanting to not stress out and ENJOY this time with my kids. Above all, wanting to be the kind of mother I know I can be.

Yes,there is a time and a season. But I'm also very aware of the areas in my life where I could move from the "wanting" category to the "doing" category. I admit it, I like it when other peoople think I'm amazing. There's a feeling of satisfaction when I can keep up appearances. I like the facade I can put on when people come over and my house is clean. Little do they realize the effort and all the interruptions it took along the way.

"Mom, Eden threw her food on the floor,again."
"Mom, I need a drink,"
"Mom, Max isn't sharing with me,"
"Mom, I'm hungry,"
"Mom, Eden just ran out the front door into the street,"
"Mom, can you fix this for me?"
"Mom, Eden's stinky!"
"Go to time out!"
"Eden, get down from the table,"
"Boys,get this room clean. If I have to ask again you're going to time out!"
"Mom, I love you."

I really am amazed when people tell me I'm a patient mom. Honestly, they just haven't spent enough time around our family. However, I am willing to work on these things and I thank God for the desire to do so. That is a huge blessing in and of itself.

Getting back to the beginning of this entry. Those couple of days I was out of commission, I realized that it takes a small army to do my job. Though I was sick, it was a little gratifying to understand that at the end of the day when the house still looks like a disaster zone and I seemingly have nothing to show for where my time was spent, I now recognize that there was PLENTY of work and good deeds that got done that day. I don't have to worry about keeping up with those women in my head who manage to keep the smudges off their walls and juice stains off their floors. The little hands that made those smudges and juice stains belong to me and I wouldn't trade them for all the clean walls and floors in the state of Texas.

Finally, it does take a small army to run a household, and I certainly wouldn't be able to do it without the help of the other mothers in my life. Whether it be an uplifting conversation with family or friends, an offer to watch my kids so I can have some time to myself, an impromtu meal dropped off or the back-up crew who took care of my family whilst I could not, all these things are needed and so very much appreciated. Indeed, I don't know that I could get along without them. It's good to gain perspective sometimes and I'm glad for the days I was sick, though I'm even more glad it didn't last longer!